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Cost of Living

from Humor by Russell Louder

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lyrics

Held by air
An hour before dawn
I knew you'd find me there
Too tired to carry on another night, I swear
It's not the way I thought I'd get your care

Because when I dwell,
The bass strings in my chest break where your cold hand fell
Don't wish me all the best when I can't wish you well
I'm trying to shake the stories I can't tell

And tell me now,
Could this be the cost of living
Trying to drown it out
To forget without forgiving

And I wonder now
Because I'm trying to stay aware
How could I be hiding
If I know you'll find me there

Heavy tears
Or scattered coins in rain
What have I earned this year
The seasons feel the same, seasons of shame my dear
I'm trying to find the sunshine if it's near

In light of day,
The shadows in your eyes will never fade away
They're veiled by the disguise of all the things you say
I'm trying to find the strength to look away, now

And tell me now
Could this be the cost of living
Trying to drown it out
To forget without forgiving

And I wonder now
Because I'm trying to stay aware
How could I be hiding
If I know you'll find me there

credits

from Humor, track released November 9, 2018
Written and performed by Russell Louder

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Russell Louder Montreal, Québec

Russell Louder is a trans Performance Artist and musician from Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, now based in Montreal, Québec.

(pronoun: they/them/their)

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